A new email:
"Hello,
I will be celebrating a 25 years anniversary alone I am sure.This Tue
the 25th of Oct is our big 25 years.
But,I don't know who I will be celebrating with...I or my husband..I
is his characters name on-line.
Lets just say that he took me out to buy a Diamond Ring tonight and I
ask him on the way home if it was to keep me away from him for the
weekend and he said,yes!..I said ok I can do that. He even took off
Mon and Tue,and any other time he would be excited to go to the
coast..He said No i don't want to go...
He can't sleep anymore all night long. He has been going to bed about
1 hour later or even 1 1/2 hour later,on a work night!..He gets up
around 4.00 as he says he can't sleep because he is dreaming of
work...NOT,He can't wait to get up to play this EverQuest game.
But,that is not the worst of it.His brother lives with us and has been
out of town on a work assignment. My husband sits there and plays 2
computers all at the same time. He plays his brothers character at the
same time,2 different computers.
He works,comes home and sits on his computer until bedtime. He
sleeps,wakes up,and plays his game. He plays from Fri evening about
5:00pm until 2:00 am, Sat morning. Then he is up on Sat morning about
5:30 and that is him sleeping in...
He then plays for 19 hours straight. Then he is up again at 5:30
am..and all the way until about 11:00 pm. Then the week starts all
over again.Yikes...I never thoughthe could be the one to become
addicted to anything...
The house has suffered,I mow the lawn!!Like one lady said,he is
nothing but a paycheck to me.But,I think he just doesn't understand
how it feels to me. He does not miss me that is apparent to me.
If it is not this game then it would be the TV.His 1st love was the TV
for the 1st 20 plus years of our marriage,now it is just the computer.
He talks to his game buddies more than to me ever.He has said to them
2 times as much as he has ever said to me..
I think there is a problem...I don't care if you put this
on-line..Maybe this is what it will take in order for him to see he
has a REAL PROBLEM.. Don't get me wrong,I know here he is and what he
is doing? But,does he know where I am and what I am doing? Does he
care?"
posted by J at 8:06 PM | 2 Comments Links to this post
This email arrived a while ago, but I felt somewhat uncomfortable
putting it up right then and there because it seemed so (too) raw...
"I am sitting here with tears running down my face. I have just
printed the basic papers required to file for divorce.
Divorce, my 2nd. First from an abusive raging alcoholic. 2nd? From a
once incredibly sweet, kind loving devoted husband who now spends
every waking minute playing EQ. I try to think back on when it all
went wrong... 2 years ago? 3 years ago? Probably even before that when
he was playing other games where they had weekends away for their
Quake tournaments. I thought he was young (he is younger than me) and
he would grow out of it. And in time it seemed he had. Until we moved
back to the States.... He picked up EQ again and so my story of sorrow
picks up here.
I had threatened divorce multiple times this year. He said he would
change. Said he would delete the game. Said he would cut back. Said he
would pay the bills on time. Understood that as my health problems
mounted and my health diminished that my ability to contribute to our
family income also greatly diminished. Knew I counted on him more and
more for support.
I feel trapped. I don't have a job, I don't have an income. We have
become seriously in debt. He still buys additional software packs -
"but they don't cost that much!" $29.95 here....again there. Pays our
bills constantly late - NOT because we didn't have the money, but
because he didn't bother to open up the bills until we get collection
notice calls and letters and I start nagging.
One of my extreme low points? 3 or so months ago, I coyly asked him if
he would join me in the bedroom as I was feeling romantic and hoped to
make love. His response? "Sorry, I can't right now". I asked why...he
said, "I have made arrangements to meet up with others on here"
referring I guess to his guild members.
Turned down for sex to play a computer game with strangers. What does
one tell themself - it's my fault? I've gained weight....my health is
bad, I don't contribute enough. It's so easy to blame myself. Even my
mother quickly jumps on the band wagon. You mustn't interest him
anymore. Why is he so bored with you?
..... I'm so depressed and disgusted and angry and sad and humiliated,
frustrated and bordering on hopeless. Where did our dreams go? Our
future, our mutual goals and hopes? He has no friends. He forgot his
mother's birthday.... He has become detached and cold. And I feel
numb.
Last night, angry beyond belief because I found out that he had just
paid our car insurance and it was due to lapse (the kicker - our car
is at the body shop due to his car accident a week ago) I got onto his
computer and deleted EQ. He had again promised me for days that he was
going to delete it. Refocus on our marriage, refocus on himself. Yet
there was the game still running nonstop on his computer.
And yet, tonight at 2am I find him playing EQ. He had of course
reinstalled it. Told me that sometimes he needs to have downtime and
will be playing the game. I said, well then I guess I will proceed
with filing for divorce. He just grunted and kept playing. Now I am
only worth grunt responses.
And so here I sit. A prior alcohol and drug abuse counselor, knowing
that you can't make threats you don't intend to keep. You can't pour
out the alcohol just like you can't erase the computer game.
Tears stream down my face. I don't know where I will go. How I will
take care of myself. What I will do next. I honestly don't even know
if I care anymore.
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